Grab your paintbrush/guitar/quill pen/tutu right this minute

We are a society that constantly judges, ranks, evaluates, critiques, praises, rewards and punishes. No matter what you do, you will be graded on your performance.

I've seen the girl who sings beautifully and I agree there is something special about her. But there is also something special about the girl who sings badly. It might be harder to see the second girl’s specialness- there’s no Internet video of her. She has been told her voice isn’t very good and so she doesn’t use it.

Deifying the girl who sings well, just because it’s easy to see her specialness, is really not good for anyone. For the girl who sings badly, it makes her feel insignificant, unimportant, less-than. For the girl who sings well, it puts her on a pedestal from which it’s a long way to fall, it creates high-pressure expectations, classifies her as different and is very isolating. This girl deserves love, validation and attention... but so does the badly singing girl... so do we all. Everyone should get confetti showers, standing ovations, hugs and public declarations of love for our self-expressions.

But not everyone will. And that inequality is what makes those who do and those who don’t feel equally bad. Probably more people fear failure than success, but there is definitely a scary side to each.

When we are creative, we must put ourselves out there for public scrutiny. Many people don’t enjoy being scrutinized, whether they get failing OR passing grades. And yet… to not submit to evaluation means to not be seen or heard. It means keeping silent, staying small.

The usual advice is something like- “Don’t base your worth on what other people think.” And/or, “Develop a thick skin.” Easier said than done. It’s kind of like saying, “don’t breathe through your mouth or nose.” Human beings are wired for connection. No one can live in isolation. Babies given food and water but not love and affection literally cannot survive. Other people’s attitudes toward us elicit a biological response. Of course, there are ways of re-framing or re-thinking that can minimize or maximize the impact. But we cannot live without love and affection. We simply cannot. And pretending to not care is just that—pretending. Thick shin is a MYTH.

Hey Blurryface, thanks for being honest.

You will be evaluated. That’s fact of life. Get used to it. But what if you can’t get used to it? What if getting used to it is just not a possibility? Then, you stay quiet, invisible. You don’t explore your unique potential; you don’t exercise your creative power.

One of the first screenplays I wrote, I worked so hard on, and I thought people were going to love it. My dream was bringing joy to others though my creative work. I gave it to a colleague for some feedback, with the hope he would pass it on to one of his contacts, someone who could make my dream a reality. His feedback? “You missed the mark.”

God, it still hurts just to think about it. He wasn’t trying to be cruel. That was just his opinion. But it hurt, badly and for months afterwards, I didn’t write. I was so devastated. I had missed the mark despite having given it my ALL. If my ALL wasn’t good enough, what use was I?

Eventually I was able to move on and try again. Because I love to create. I love to write, I have a need to express myself that is stronger than the need to be liked, apparently. But the need to be liked doesn’t just go away. Similar scenarios have played out with a lot of my scripts. I’ve experienced rejection. over and over again, in many different forms. The JK Rowling story-- how “Harry Potter” was rejected by 12 publishers before being accepted-- and others like it have kept me going. Many successful writers have withstood years of rejection before finally hitting it big.

But the hope for future success is not the only reason to press on. Nor should it be.

There’s this Kurt Vonnegut quote that I love. “The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possible can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something.”

Kurt really nails it. Most people are aware of the fact that the arts are a very risky way to earn a living. The tragedy, though, is that so many people let this turn them off from are practicing art at all. They are robbed of this way of growing their souls, because they get fooled into believing that there isn’t any point to doing something if it doesn’t bring approval, praise or money. The arts have been deemed frivolous and useless, unless you are doing them professionally-- and then they are idolized.

Well, I’m here to say, FUCK THAT.

The commodification of creative expression is a tool of oppression. Don’t let the judges silence you and stunt your growth.

Engaging in an activity that makes life more bearable and makes your soul grow is among the LEAST frivolous and MOST useful ways to spend your time.

Parenthood is a phase when the need for creative engagement grows exponentially, while the time available for such pursuits shrinks down to nothing. A friend of mine who recently had a baby was trying to get some semblance of a personal life back and said to me, “What am I supposed to do? Have my mother in law watch the baby while I go paint in the other room?” To which I say—HELL YES. This friend not a professional painter, but why should that make painting a less valuable way to spend her time?

So people, please-- make art.

It doesn't have to be perfect or even good. Don't do it for money, but for fun and freedom. Feel sad if others don’t like it. That’s normal. It’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to cry. But then, when the tears have dried, open your heart and pour it out all over again.

Because staying silent is painful, too. Rejecting, denying and ignoring your own creative impulses is damaging. And growing your soul is essential.

I wish we lived in a world without such harsh evaluation and judgment. I wish people could see the value and worth in one another when it’s not so easy or obvious.

But until things change, we must be brave, heal from the pain and practice our art, no matter what. You are a beautiful spirit; your creations are magnificent for the mere fact of their existence. Don’t let “the judges” bully you into giving up your right to express your singular creative magic.

If you’re a seasoned creator, KEEP CREATING. If you think of yourself as someone who doesn’t have a creative bone in your body, challenge that assumption. We are all born naturally creative-- sadly, it gets buried in some of us, but it doesn't go away-- it'll always be there, waiting to be rediscovered.

You WILL be graded on your performance. Find the strength to bounce back from criticism or stay connected when lavished with praise. You might worry that the world is not in need of another painting, story, song or poem, another voice in this already noisy landscape, and maybe that’s true; but maybe it isn’t. And you know what the world really DOES need?

More grown up souls. So go ahead and make that happen.