The Pitfalls of Being a Dreamer

As an adolescent, I passionately bought into the above saying. But as an adult, I have to admit, I’ve developed some bitterness toward it. Not only is it literally untrue… (the stars are light-years away from the moon. Even the sun is 147 million kms away. If you miss the target, you’re going to be nowhere near the stars— you'll be floating in empty space!) But also, it’s symbolically untrue. Yes, there have been times in my life when a goal hasn’t panned out, but something good came of it anyway- kind of like, I was aiming for a gold medal and but wound up with silver. Okay, silver’s pretty good, I’ll take it. But... there have been other times that working toward a goal has come to failure, pure and simple. Like aiming for a gold medal and not even making the team. And that really sucks. Of course, there’s the benefit of personal growth that comes from working toward something. But that’s little consolation when you’re shooting for the moon- if I only wanted personal growth, I could have shot for the living room and wasted less time.

I live Los Angeles AKA, La La Land. It’s a place that upon last census rated more dreamers per capita than anywhere else. (Okay, not really, but I bet if someone counted, the numbers would be REALLY high.) There are SOOO many people here shooting for the moon AND the stars… and I love it. Dreamers are my people. Unfortunately, over the years, I’ve seen a lot of folks get hurt by their dreams. They work their asses off, but wind up floating out in space in a lot of ways— especially financially, as it can be very hard for many dreamers to make a living, and also emotionally, because rejection is painful, no matter how confident you are.

We live in a culture of— Go, go, go! Do, do, do! Achieve, achieve, achieve! Never give up! Did you hear me? I said, NEVER GIVE UP! If you have once ounce of integrity in your pathetic little body, you will NEVER, EVER under any circumstances, give up on you dreams!!!!!!!!!!

A lot of people subscribe to this mentality. I know I have! Despite the fact that my writing has barely earned me any money in the past 4.5 years, I keep doing it anyway.

But you know what I’m coming to realize? Sometimes you DO need to give up. Stay with me here… You need to give up, when giving up means letting go.

Letting go is a beautiful, wonderful act of self-love that too few of us dare to indulge in. But for dreamers, it is so essential. We have to let go of our attachment to outcome. We have to let go of our expectations and plans. We have to let go of the illusion that external success will satisfy everything we’re currently lacking.

We may have to let go of old dreams to make way for new and improved dreams. We might have to let go of expecting our dreams to pay the bills and open ourselves up to other ways of creatively making a living. We definitely have to let go of the idea that achieving some goal, no matter how noble or pure, is going to make us more worthy of love. We already are more worthy than we can really conceive of.

So here is my new rallying cry- Dreamers, are you listening? GIVE UP! Give up your need for validation, give up the notion that you will be happy and fulfilled at some future time. I’m not saying to give up your dream… but rather, let go… and let your dream be the reality that flows though you at this very moment.

Don’t chase your dream. Instead, just have fun doing what you love to do, throw open the doors and invite some dreams to join the party. Screw shooting for the moon… why not BE the moon? Then you don’t have that pesky “floating in space” issue to deal with.

And then, if you want to, you can do whatever it is that your dream is calling you to do, knowing that it’s not the pursuit of future happiness that drives you, but rather the experience of current happiness motivating you.

I’m talking about being present. It’s something I’m working on.

The other day, I was out in the front yard, watching my four-year-old go up and down the sidewalk on her scooter while my two-year-old son chased her. Our neighbor came by and said, like he always does, "In the end, this is what matters. This is it." I always smile and agree. Our neighbor is a ninety-year-old man who spent his teenage years in Auschwitz- you don’t argue with him. He always tells me how blessed I am… and I always say I know. But I don’t always mean it.

In that moment, I did. It really hit me. Ambitious dreams are great and all, but you don't need them to come true in order to be happy. It's the little things that make a life worthwhile-- family, friends, neighbors, kindness, connection, laughter. These little things are actually BIG things... and are available to us all.

So dreamers keep on dreaming, but…

don't forget to live.