Changing Beliefs, One at a Time

Shortly after I posted my blog about how I hate motherhood, a friend posted this-

I appreciate the sentiment, and for some people, I’m sure this rings true. For me, it doesn’t. I truly was hating motherhood. I wasn't just having a few challenging moments here and there. EVERY moment felt challenging, most felt overwhelmingly impossible and the words “I hate this” were running through my mind at regular intervals. I was crying 1-5 times a day. I felt trapped in a life I didn’t want.

But the realization I came to, and the message of my post, which may or may not have come through clearly, is that just because you hate motherhood, doesn’t mean you ALWAYS have to hate it.

Feelings are temporary. Everything is temporary. And if your recurring feelings are based on false beliefs, you can CHANGE those beliefs. It takes effort and commitment, but it can be done.

For me, one big fat false belief was/is “I’m not good enough.” I’m still working on shifting this, daily. It’s deep, dark stubborn one, but my efforts are paying off. I’m almost afraid to say this, but after confronting this belief head-on, I have actually been... loving motherhood.

There can be a lot of layers to sift through, a vast and diverse assortment of beliefs we blindly operate under on a daily basis. How do we tell if they are true or false? One litmus test is this- does the belief make you feel empowered or disempowered?

Recently I discovered a tricky one, lurking in the swampland of my mind: “It’s not supposed to be like this.” It goes along with thoughts like this- We’re supposed to be raising children in villages with our extended families! Not in this fragmented, disconnected modern society! How am I supposed to do this alone?

As someone with a background and interest in anthropology this idea was especially compelling to me. But it’s actually an insidiously disempowering false belief. Just because that is how children have been raised in the past and are currently raised in certain cultures doesn’t mean it’s how it’s SUPPOSED to be for ME. I’m sure there are plenty of drawbacks to the village/extended family model. And I have many advantages that “the villagers” lack. So it’s most likely a wash. It’s hard that way, it’s hard this way. It’s just as hard as it’s supposed to be.

Underlying beliefs can be hard to tackle, especially when they seem to have come from a reliable source. But I’m starting to understand that I am the most reliable source of all, in terms of knowing what’s best for me.

What about you? Do you have any disempowering beliefs you want to change?