How to Defeat Your Worst Enemy When Your Worst Enemy is Yourself

Yesterday when I was writing about taking care of yourself as a mother, I hit on something that feels like a potential game-changer for me. The fact that I am the one making me miserable. It's my inner dialogue that driving these negative feelings about motherhood.

I am my own worst enemy.

Okay, so I guess I've known for a long time that I have a bunch of insecurities and whatnot. But this is the first time I've felt like I might have the power to do something about that. Here’s the process:

1. Become aware of your self-talk.

This can be tricky. A lot of the time we’re not even aware that we’re talking to ourselves. The way I was bale to do it was to start with my feelings. Asking- why am I feeling sad/anxious/angry right now? If you’re not used to noticing your feelings, then you might need to take a step back and start there.

2. Separate.

In order to separate from this critical voice or wounded self, you need to be able to identify with some other aspect of yourself. You could call it your higher self, your inner wisdom, your inner rock star, your true essence, your soul… whatever resonates with you. Notice that the negative thoughts are not coming from your best self.

3. Challenge the negative self-talk.

As your higher self/inner wisdom - is this really true? What IS the truth?

4. Revise.

Replace the negative self-talk with realistic self-talk.

5. Make it a habit.

This stuff doesn’t go away instantaneously. Repeated efforts will be necessary!

This inner critic comes from childhood- parents who blamed and criticized, teachers who evaluated and punished, caregivers who shamed, peers who bullied, a culture that judged. But there’s no use in blaming others- they were products of their own upbringing. These voices go back through the generations.

The amazing thing is that we have the power to break the cycle. Or at least bend it. Imagine growing up with only realistic self-talk. Instead of things like: “I screwed that up. I’m such an idiot. What was I thinking? I do this all the time, I suck.” It could be: “ I made a mistake, but that’s okay, everyone makes mistakes. I can learn from my mistakes and do better in the future.”

Sounds good, doesn’t it? My worst enemy and I are getting a bit friendly now.

My next post is right here...