6 Ways to Take Care of Yourself When You Don't Have Time to Take Care of Yourself

Have you heard the oxygen mask metaphor? The one about how, on a plane, the safety instructions require you to put your own mask BEFORE getting your child’s mask into place, and we need to do this as parents- care for ourselves, so that we are able to care for others. It makes total sense. If only it were as simple as putting on a mask!

How do you take care for yourself when you simply don’t have time for it?

I often find myself in a meltdown over the utter impossibility of self-care these days. I used to be great at taking care of myself- long stretches of sleep, healthy eating, journaling, yoga, exercise, lunches with friends and quality alone time to recharge. Now I have two little people who depend on me for everything, every waking hour of the day (and many brutal hours of the night.) We don’t have any family nearby to help. Friends are busy and have their own challenges. And childcare is extremely expensive. So we’re pretty much on our own. Now, I’ve got to figure out how to take care myself in like, 30 second intervals.

Here’s what I’ve got so far:

1. Honor your needs.

Often I don’t realize just how neglected my own needs have been until it’s too late and I’m having a complete breakdown. Of course as a mother you’re not always able to meet your own needs. But that doesn’t mean that by ignoring them they go away. Quite the opposite actually!

Honoring our needs as mothers might just be the simple fact of acknowledging them, and having self-compassion for the fact that we so often have to shelve them for a later date.

2. Envision & Compromise

Start by giving yourself permission to at least entertain the idea that you DESERVE to take care of your own emotional needs. Ask yourself the question: What can I do to honor and respect my own needs an take care of myself today? What would taking care of myself look like? You may find yourself completely stumped, if like most moms, you are used to putting your own needs last. But give it a go, and when you realize that 5 hours at the spa is not going to happen, come up with a reasonable compromise. Ask- what’s the MINIMUM I need to get through this day? Then make sure you get it.

3. Look for Role Models

One of the reasons it can be so hard to take care of ourselves is that so few people do it well. Let’s pay attention and celebrate those who do instead of labeling them as “selfish.” I met this fascinating woman recently who takes seven days off of work every month when she menstruates. This is how she got over PMDD and avoided having to be medicated. She’s self-employed and childless, but even so, this is a radical act of self care should inspire us all. Different people have different needs and that’s okay. Your self care might look crazy to someone else, but own it. No one else knows what it’s like to be you!

4. Pay attention to your subconscious beliefs and how they affect your thoughts and feelings.

Just this morning I became aware of an underlying belief that’s been making me miserable. I knew going into it that parenting would be hard- they don’t call it “the toughest job in the world” for nothing. But some part of me believes IT SHOULDN’T BE THIS HARD. It’s the part of me that judged parents who were struggling before I was a parent myself (karma’s a bitch!)

And the ensuing negative thought patten is— if it shouldn’t be this hard, I must be doing something wrong. There’s something wrong with me. Or something wrong with my life (I made bad choices, my life should have turned out differently.) Or there’s something wrong with life in general (on really bad days this can turn into a full blown existential crisis- life itself is miserable, not worth living.)

Once you become aware of your false subconscious beliefs and negative thought patterns you can begin to challenge them. You can turn “It shouldn’t be this hard, I am doing a bad job,” into “It’s just as hard as everyone said it was, I am doing great!”

5. Cry

Crying is not a character weakness, but a healthy human reaction to stress, pain, grief and loss. Man of us were brought up to believe that our feelings should be suppressed because they are an inconvenience to others. Screw that! It’s not your job to protect others from the slight discomfort or witnessing real human emotion. Crying allows us to discharge pain so we can move on and heal. When we reframe crying as a act of self-care, it can really work it’s magic. So cry it up, Mamas!

6. Chocolate.

Eat it. Because chocolate makes everything better and belongs on every list I write.

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